The first post in over 3 years...

I would like to make a point of thanking everyone who's been in my corner. The last few years have been rough and for the people I'm closest to, they know the toll that it has taken on me. I want all my friends to know that each of you has enriched my life in one way or another for the better. Each of you are special to me and have brought another aspect of my life to the surface. I only hope to one day be allowed the opportunity to help you, like you have helped me. I really do love you all...

A lot has changed in my life in recent years... I have gotten divorced, moved a few times, changed jobs, given up a beloved pet. Things that are hard to take one at a time, but all have occurred within months of one another. On the bright side, I have many positive changes... I am dating/ living with a wonderful man who has helped me to see the lighter side of life again. He has helped me in ways that I haven't been able to express to him- I hope that someday he will know what he has done for me... He's shown me that I *can* love once more.

For a long time I was living in a dark place- buried within myself. I didn't want anyone to know the pain I was in, so I shut everyone out. It was easier that way. I was miserable, but comfortable in the misery; it was what I had gotten used to. I slowly became aware of the hole I was mentally throwing myself in- so I decided that I would change. I became more positive, upbeat, outgoing and friendly. I used to be a social creature, but sometime after high school, I withdrew and became shy. I was determined to correct this and become who I "used to be." As I became self-aware, my attitude and outlook on life also changed. I was not as pessimistic, nor did I want to stay at home and do nothing for days on end. More needed to change, however...

If not for Justin and Sara, I would not have been able to walk this path I am on- a winding path towards happiness. There are many detours and sightseeing stops, but the end goal is always there. I hope to be able to share some of the "sights" along my path with you...

~~Jennifer

I'm going to take a cue from my friend Jeregano and add a musical background to my post-- I'll try to do this as often as I can. This way, ya'll can "feel" what I'm feeling-- through the music.

Today is a Zander day... http://www.zandervera.com/zander/music/8_bnc.mp3

So, I decided... I'm going to get a tattoo... eventually. But I do have the image picked out. This is it... haven't figured out what colors yet, but I think this is totally me-- Celtic, dragon, but somehow playful... ya'll should tell me what colors you think would be good....

I thought I would share some of my favorite artwork with everyone (meaning Jay and Jerry-- no one else reads this thing)...

You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Your Linguistic Profile:

75% General American English

20% Yankee

5% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

I am in a prison.
A prison without guards or walls.
A prison of the mind.
I walk the halls of my torment,
Contemplating life...
Life is meaningless,
Without passion;
Without passion, life no longer exists.

Florence, Italy

Waiting,
Sorrowful waiting.
Time moves beyond our realm of understanding.
Forever is a blink of the eye.
Time is never wasted, just misplaced.
Seconds move to minutes,
Minutes move to hours,
Hours to eternity.
We may not live on, but eternity does.
The waiting never ends.
Waiting for time to stop,
We sit here.
Waiting for a clue to the last moment of breath,
The last gasp of hope,
The last second of
waiting.

Time has stopped--
Never is now.
The play is over;
the actors are gone.
The stage is empty;
no one's around.

Crystalline teardrops
Falling to the
Parched earth.
Swallowed, seeping--
Drunk deep...
Dust is nourished, fed on
My pain.

Manic--
Dreamless escape...
Clutching,
Struggling to maintain
That which we
Hold dear.
Sanity,
Deluding ourselves--
A belief in
What truly does
Not exist.

Alice, I Am Not

Peer into the reflections of reality

A mirror shall show the truth.

Search for what lies deeper

Find my best self--

A selection of sanity.

Come up empty-handed...

And lose my balance...

I find myself tumbling

D

o

w

n

the rabbit hole

Without my white rabbit guide

He made it to his appointment

Right on time.

Upside down--

Right-side up,

S

i

d

e

w

a

y

s

& inside out.

Land with an almighty

THUMP!!

Standing on my head--

The world has spun around.

Faced with a faceless grin-

I stumble, scream and fall...

Wake up in the midst of

Shattered glass-- shards of fear.

Realizing it was all part of a

Nightmare-

Night terror--

A Jabberwocky dream.

Poetry Is Thy Purpose...

This will be a forum for my poetry and other publishable deeds.

Stay Tuned...

The Title Says It All...

...or most of it, anyway.

Cruel-natured, but with a seemingly soft exterior-- I fool most people.